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Thursday, August 02, 2007

I can't believe I'm still talking about this

So I get home last night, check the TV and, of course, there are no premium channels, just basic cable, even HBO is gone. Gritting my teeth, I dial Comcast and wait to have my call taken in the order it was received. And wait. Seriously, 15 minutes went by and my dog was looking at me like, "If it starts pouring before I get my walk because you were on hold with the cable company, we're going to have a serious problem." (My dog has very complex thoughts sometimes).
Sighing, I leashed the dog and took him, the phone and the receipt from the morning's encounter at Comcast ("Would you like a receipt?" "No, I have total faith I'll never need it." Yeah, right) into the field near my house.
FORTY FIVE MINUTES LATER, an operator came on. Unfortunately, he came on at the exact moment that I was wrestling Nero away from a lizard (The look on Nero's face, I'm pretty sure was, "I'll take you home and we'll be best friends!" The look on the lizard's face was more like, "Is this how it ends?").
I explained, as best I could, the situation to the operator. I would have liked to skip a few details, but it became quickly apparent I was better off explaining the whole situation, as it would help me avoid having to answer questions that were off base ("What time did the repairman come?" for example).
The bottom line, I said, was I had a new account from the one I had yesterday but none of the channels I should have.
The operator paused and then said, in a tone that was more ominous than matter of fact:
"The box doesn't know it's a new account."
(Is this the cable equivalent of an existential statement?)
The operator then said he was zapping the box and did I see any changes? I told him I was in the middle of the field and all I could see, at the moment, was a dog with a crazy look on his face and a lizard that did not seem to be moving as quickly as it should have. I told him it would take me five minutes or so to get back in the house, that I'd come in the field to wait for them to pick up.
The operator said he'd wait for me to get home, so I dragged Nero homeward, holding the phone to my ear the entire time in case any other deep cable-related thoughts issued from it. I kept being about to speak myself—it's kind of weird to walk with a phone to your ear and complete silence. Like a mobile Quaker meeting. I couldn't think of anything to say that seemed worth saying, "So...your job sucks?" Or, "What's your favorite show?"
Anyway, I made it home and the cable is restored. The really really stupid part of this whole situation is that I have been talking about turning the cable off all together for months as it represents, mostly, a complete waste of money. At this point, I watch HBO when I remember Big Love is on (an extremely creepy show, by the way) and the news. For example, about 20 minutes after the Cable Guy got my channels restored, the boy came over and we watched a movie. On DVD. Oh well. I should call and cancel it today. That'd show 'em.