Click here for SFR on MySpace

Thursday, December 08, 2005


Why am I not writing this week? Is it because I'm busy? (Yes, but I'm so sick of hearing myself rationalize things I'm not doing by saying I'm busy it's ridiculous. Question to self: How busy can you be if you're not doing all these things you're supposed to be doing? Other people are just as busy. Stop saying you're busy). Is it because I'm cold? I AM cold. It's freaking freezing outside. I walked the dogs today in fleece pants over flannel pajamas, a wool sweater, a fleace jacket, scarf, gloves and hat. Walk is a slight exageration; I could barely move in all those clothes and the wind cut through my several layers still. Seriously, I'd live somewhere with a real economy if I wanted to deal with bad weather. Am I not writing because I have nothing to say? Au contraire. My brain is on overdrive. I have so many thoughts I can barely keep them in my head. But it's unclear if any of them are of any interest. I certainly don't think so.
Anyway, I'm amusing myself, in between retyping the winning entries from our writing contest for next week's issue (I am now a typist, apparently; or a secretary, since all I do, these days, is type and answer the phone. Which is fine, actually. I like doing clerical work to tell you the truth. It's a nasty little secret of mine) by creating a brief psychological quiz inside my head for, um, myself. OK, here's how it works. I ask you to choose between two things and you choose one. Then score yourself. GO!

Julia's Completely Random Santa Fe Personality Test

1. Albuquerque or Santa Fe?
2. Forest Fire or Drought?
3. Martini or Margarita?
4. American Spirits or Hand-rolled?
5. Villa Linda or DeVargas
6. Quesadilla or Chile Rellenos?
7. Bill Richardson or Gary Johnson?
8. Sex scandal or money scandal?
9. Police notes or obits?
10. Hummer or Hybrid.

1. Two points for SF; one for Albuquerque. Sorry my Duke-City friends. You got the cheaper stuff but we've got better views. Plus, really, if you chose Albuquerque in a Santa Fe personality test you are clearly self-destructive. Actually, give yourself another point just for being bold.
2. One point for Forest Fire; two points for drought. I don't know why. These aren't actually different things. I should have said Drought or Monsoon. But anyone who chooses drought over a monsoon is so scary I don't even want to know about it.
3. Two points for Martini; Three points for Margarita. Because they are less pretentious, that's why.
4. Two points for American Spirits; One point for handrolled. Handrolled makes me think of wet rolling papers. Wet with saliva. Blech.
5. Two points for DeVargas; none for Villa Linda—mostly because it's now called Santa Fe Place which is not, really, very creative. Although it does have Santa Fe in the name. Now, let's think about this, shall we? The downtown mall (downtown seeming to be more Anglofied and ritzy than the southside) still has a mall with a Hispanic name. The former Villa Linda, on th south end where so many of us natives and nonnatives reside, now has an Anglo name. Give yourself an extra point just for reading this pointless and truncated analysis of, for God's sake, the malls in town.
6. Two points for Quesadilla; one for Chile Relleno. Because it seems like it has less cheese, although maybe that's just a cheese illusion. Certainly the relleno is more fattening, what with the deep fry and all.
7. Zero points. I'm kind of sick of politicians right now.
8. Two points for sex; one for money. Why aren't there more local sex scandals? It's all tire stealing and money laundering around here.
9. One point for police notes; two for obits. Everyone reads the police notes. Dare to be different, I say. You can have an extra point if you have been in the police notes anytime in the last month. If you have been in the obits, however, you should really call for a correction.
10. Two points for Hybrid and none for Hummer, you gas-guzzling money-exhibitionist freaks.

16-20 points: You are a certain kinda fun-loving, occasionally kvetching, Santa Fean. You're going to the Sunvolt show tonight and stopping by Whole Foods on the way home from work.
12-15: You've lived here about five years and there are days when you go home, burn my paper in your Kiva fireplace and wonder aloud: Why God, why?
Less than 12: You order your chile on the side at Tomasitas and write anonymous letters to the newspapers. You are counting the minutes until you can get out of this three Starbucks town.

Let it be known; I may not have added up the points very well. Back in the day I always test-scored high on verbal, low on math. I don't think it's that I'm bad at math. I'm just impatient.