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Thursday, October 20, 2005

blog epistolary style

Dear Aimee Mann,
Thank you for the awesome show last night. You are way cool and your new album is dope. I would like to say I'm sorry you had to play in the James A Little Theater and I hope you don't think less of Santa Fe for it. You belonged in The Paramount, but it's closed. Or at least in a rockin' club where we could all drink and smoke and get rowdy with you. The acoustics weren't so hot last night and if I ever meet the audience members who walked out on you when you were playing I will have a few choice words for them. You rule.

Dear Sinus Cavity,
Could you please cut me a break? I don't have time for you right now. You can cause as much mind-numbing pain along my jaw line as you like, I'm not giving you anti-biotics. I drank some water. What do you want from me?

Dear Freelance Writers,
Is there any possibility you could just psychically divine everything you need to know about the upcoming gift guides so that I don't have to write it all out?

Dear Halloween,
You are the best holiday. We are going to party in your honor at Vanessie, a week from Wednesday at Vanessie. What should I dress up as?

Dear Internet,
I think it's cool that thanks to you I found two old friends from high school who I never thought I'd talk to again and whose names are different because they got married. I guess some people do that. I didn't. Of course, I got divorced.

Dear Guy I am Dating,
Yes, now you get the picture. I don't sleep. I don't eat. And I come to work when I'm sick.

Dear Albuquerque Journal,
Congratulations on the headline, "Grinch Didn't Steal Christmas." You made me laugh. I think it was actually intentional this time.

Dear Robert Vigil,
Please stop handling millions of dollars of state investments out of your house. This is just bad behavior. You'll have your day in court. Seriously, this is ridiculous.

Dear Santa Fe,
Congratulations on being ranked second to San Francisco AGAIN by Conde Nast readers as the best city to travel to. That's 14 years in a row. Guess we really are a tourist town.

Dear North Korea,
Can you ask the governor if he's going to run for president in the US and let us know?

Dear ipod,
Happy one-year anniversary. You are the best relationship I've ever had.